Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
