Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I will be naked everywhere
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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