I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
