The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just had sex on a roof
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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