the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
