you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i can't believe i had my finger in that
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
