i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
