I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
