how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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