glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is wine microwaveable?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
