Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
