ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
