i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Enjoy the penises
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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