D3 body, D1 cock
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
His hands were made for my vagina.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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