I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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