I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
