I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i believe in u and ur pee
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
