I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
