He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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