Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
