Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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