Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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