Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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