Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
