I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
