I'm so fucking centered right now
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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