Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
