tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
