happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
