i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
