Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
