He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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