i will never coherently bang her
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
