I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
