Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
