I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
