Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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