he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
