THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
pray to the hookup gods
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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