The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
