I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
