you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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