I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
