I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
