I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
