Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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