I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
