He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
