non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
