Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
