so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
