it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
