WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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